Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Open your eyes

My phone is on the other side of my room. Vibrating. The LED light is flashing and has been for quite some time. I am sick of people. I am sick of everyone. Even people that didn't do anything. I can really only stand to talk to a few people and even then, I don't say much because I get so irritated with talking in general. I don't know what is going on with me lately. Maybe I have just had enough. Enough of what? I don't know. But I have had enough.

I had my phone on silent for 90% of the day. The only phone I was answering was my work phone for obvious reasons. I went on a route today around Church Hill, Sandston, New Kent and Charles City. It was interesting. It was about a 4 hour route and wasn't bad at all. I got a call a few minutes ago from Dispatch, letting me know it may be possible we will have a North Carolina run tonight. Lisa, another co worker, agreed to do it but didn't want to do it alone. Naturally, I volunteered my company. Trying to get my boss to love me isn't that hard. I just want him to respect me and give me the tools to make the money I need.

On a side note, I have decided on the surgeon I am going to use. All together it is going to cost me roughly $11,000. That covers everything as far as surgery and hospital stay etc etc. From what I understand, he writes lots of wonderful letters for the guys he does the surgery for to help them get their gender marker changed. I know there are a lot of laws in the Commonwealth of VA, but from what I understand, he can make it happen. We shall see. I will be starting a surgery fund. Trying to get at the very least $1000 saved every month. If I can work like crazy til the end of the year, I can have surgery in January and be healed for summer. I really just can't take this shit anymore. I want to be normal. Have a normal mans chest. And just fucking be happy. I am losing weight, which is good. I am eating really well and so proud of myself for that. Along with working hard to save money, I am planning on losing at least 60lbs by December. I can do it. I know I can.

It is about midnight. And I haven't received the call to go to North Carolina. I am PRAYING that means it is a no-go. I will still have to fall asleep with it beside my head though so I can hear it.

Until next time.

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