Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Drunk and rambling

I find it amusing that I am falling a victim to all of this social networking stuff. I normally just stick with a few websites like Myspace and Facebook and that is it. But when Facebook got better than Myspace, I stopped playing with Myspace which left me only one site to actually play on. Then I remembered my Twitter account and started tweeting again. Then I thought about blogging. I don't know that people actually care about what I write but I don't think I would care either way. It must be that need to just have people all up in my "biddniss." It can only get worse from here. And downhill it goes.

I've slightly lost touch of everything over the past few months. I don't talk to people as much as I used to and I am more of a hermit now than I have ever been. Not saying that I don't enjoy it, because I do. But my humble abode reeks of loneliness and self loathing. Woe is me. Woe is me. I don't really feel that way, but when I get in a slump I get in a slump. Maybe that is why I am starting to write and get on twitter and be more active in my social life. I need some kind of outlet. I want to write and whine about my life and all the shit that is wrong with it because I would never do that in "real life," as one would call it.

It's great that I have such wonderful people that I live with. Such wonderful friends. People that understand me. I know that if it wasn't for them I would have exploded already. I probably should explode one of these days. In all actuality, it is just a matter of time. To be honest, I am not who I used to be. I have changed a lot. I don't pin the blame on the testosterone. I pin the blame on being human and changing as the years go on. People tell me I am different now, but maybe I am just not the same as I used to be. It doesn't mean I am different, just that I am not taking the shit I used to. I used to wear my heart on my sleeve and now its under my long sleeve shirt. I used to be emotional with everything. I guess that comes with wearing my heart on my sleeve? Either way. I am nowhere even close to the emotional I used to be. I have learned what happens when you are that way.

I always talk about blame and credit. I "blame" myself a lot. And I give "credit" to a lot of people. But its just so I can figure out situations on my own. I have had to do that a lot lately. Gotta love being an adult, ha. Sure I can go to people, but I would rather not. My situations now are more complex than they have ever been and it is just exhausting to explain them to other people.

I realize that I am rambling and I am drunk, which means I probably shouldn't be writing. This entry was a LOT longer but I deleted it because it irritated me. I am sure that is just the inebriated part of my brain kicking in. So Ill go have a smoke and watch some cartoons until my drunk ass passes out. Until next time. *bows*

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